HER SUICIDE STORY

Thursday, July 29, 2004

kembali lagi...
hal ini selalu saja terjadi
lalu melayang jauh
menembus setiap batas waktu
begitu seterusnya
kemudian menghilang
tanpa bekas...
tanpa jejak...
aku mencoba mengamati
egoku terus bergejolak
dimana???
tak satupun bisa terlihat jelas
berlari lagi...
mencoba menggapai
kapan akan kembali lagi?
saat ini aku sedang menunggu
perasaanku sangat kacau
mencoba untuk mencari lagi
kemana perginya bayang itu ?
aku tetap disini
untuk menunggu....
ntah sampai kapan
aku sendiri tidak tau

(^^)for my new breath of life(^^)

-scream of my brain faced death at 6:24 PM

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

hanya bisa memandang...
semuanya memang semu..
tapi...
hati ini menjerit...
aku ingin sekali memelukmu...
ntah sudah berapa kali aku katakan...
sampai aku benar-benar bosan...
sakit sekali rasanya...
saat aku memandangmu...
saat aku menyebut namamu...
ough~!
aku ingin segera mati...
kenapa kamu tak pernah mengerti ... ??
ah sudahlah...
kamu sudah pergi jauh...
kamu bukan milikku lagi...
kamu bukan untukku lagi...
bosan aku dengan perasaan ini...
kesakitan lagi....
buat apa aku mengeluh terus menerus seperti ini?
kamu tetap akan berjalan pergi...
kamu sudah tak akan perduli lagi...
sudah lah..
aku muak dengan diriku sendiri...
membuka ruang hati untuk yang lain...
tetap belum bisa menolong ku...
tak pernah mampu untuk hilangnya kesakitan ini...
ough~!
aku sekarat...
biarkan...
biarkan seperti ini...
aku juga tak kan perduli lagi...
padamu atau pada rasa sakit ini...
biarkan terus seperti ini...
tapi...
ijinkan aku...
untuk tetap mengingatmu...
walau aku tau itu semakin buatku jatuh...
biarlah...
aku hanya ingin kamu tetap ada disini...
didalam otakku yang kesakitan...
pergilah...
kamu boleh lupakan aku...
tapi aku bersumpah...
aku tak akan bisa melupakanmu...
sampai otakku hancur sekalipun...

(^^)for R(^^)

-scream of my brain faced death at 2:04 PM

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

just a pain...
always the pain...
and forever pain...
that will and always right beside me...
always follow me inside...
i'm sick...
fully sick....
and forever sick...
i need you now..........................................

-scream of my brain faced death at 5:55 AM

Sunday, July 25, 2004

the real affection turn up from heart that honest..

not concrete like a passion that poisoned..

to be kindly disposed toward someone who loved..

but not spare one another like they're so low..

nomore sense of luv if we say that very stiffly plainted..

just said on the special moment that worth..

coz luv isn't a lust and affection is really holly..

maybe lately the word of luv is trivial..

coz a lot of people just make them such a game..

to trifle with somebody's feel without lean on feeling..

give a hope without give an opportunity..

we have a sins if we dare hurt someone who loved us..

just honesty and said what we feel really are..

dont makes the sense of luv to be in vain..

dont afraid to show your trully feeling..

dont hurt somebody's heart if you wont to be hurt..

cherish your true luv for one another..

also react to somebody's feeling to you..

the feeling that turn up like a light that so bright..

till we know what the trully sense of luv.

-scream of my brain faced death at 4:56 PM

the black isn't longer to bleak...

but the bleak that within my mind is so much black than the dark cloud...

and i'm still fine with the pain that entering my fuckin life...

i have no time to care about that pain within...

because what and who that i care about now only one...

THAT'S YOU !!!

(^^)muntahdarah(^^)HopelesSSmilE(^^)

-scream of my brain faced death at 3:22 PM

Saturday, July 24, 2004

....

i'm the one of people were tortured...

not accepting deliverance...

had trial of cruel mockings and scourgings...

moreover of bonds of sins...

and imprisonment by my foolishly...

filled by afflicted abd tormented...

i'm just unworthy in this world...

i couldn't be so fuckin perfect...

i'm just be wearied abd faint in my mind...

i have not yet resist unto blood striving against sins...

so terrible was the sight before my eyes...

i exceedingly fear and quake...

i was rejected...

i've found no place of life...

though i shought it carefully with bloody tears...

coz now i was within unto blackness and darkness and tempest...

maybe is not too late...

but i'm just feel so fuckin unhealed...

...

-scream of my brain faced death at 1:19 PM