HER SUICIDE STORY

Monday, August 30, 2004

im just feel like im a suckz gurl ever !! wtf !?! i cant do that ?? so fuckin suckz !!

like a loser..a fuckin loser...DAMN !!!

i cant think about anythin !!!

just feel sick in my fuckin head !!

what the hell ??

everything is crowded inside of my fuckin brain !!!

gonna die !!

im dying ???

maybe..and i will.................

FUCK OFF !!!

-scream of my brain faced death at 3:41 PM

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

I Never Really Knew You

You Where Just Another Friend

But When I Got To Knew You

I Had To Let My Heart Unbend

I Had To Forget My First Love

And Give Love Another Try

So I've Fallen In Love With You

And I'll Never Let You Go

I Love You More Than Anyone

I Just Had To Let You Know

And If You Ever Wonder Why

I Might Not Know What I'll Say

But I'll Never Stop Loving You

Each And Every Day

My Feelings For You Will Never Change

Just Know My Feelings Are True

And Just Remember One Thing...

I Really Do Love You!

-scream of my brain faced death at 3:57 PM

today maybe the point of my feel of miss toward Eldo .. hikz .. sesak banget rasanya .. aku smakin gak bisa berpikir jernih .. gak ada yg bisa aku lakuin selain terus menerus mengeluh tentang keadaanku skarang ini .. damn !!!

apa lagi !?! dan harus gimana lagi !?! aku cuman bisa diam dan tak mau berusaha berbuat sesuatu .. aku hanya bisa disini .. berbaring .. merasakan kesakitan di otak ku ..

aku gak lagi seperti dulu .. aku gak punya tenaga lagi .. siapa yg bisa buat aku kembali seperti dulu lagi ?? obat2an sialan yg harus aku konsumsi tiap hari itu kah ??? ach BULLSHIT !!!!

itu semua semakin merusak otakku saja !!! sialan !!!

aku gak butuh obat2an itu !! aku gak butuh dokter ato siapa itu yg coba buat sembuhin aku !!

aku cuman butuh ELDO ada disini disamping aku !!!!!!!!!!!

cuman dia yg aku butuh saat ini !!! aku butuh dia tau keadaan aku saat ini !!! aku sangat butuhin dia !!!

karena cuman dia nafas hidupku !!!

cuman dia satu2nya alasan buatku untuk tetap bertahan hidup !!!

ONLY ELDO !!!!!!!

-scream of my brain faced death at 11:47 AM

Saturday, August 14, 2004

i feel sick in my fuckin head .. in my fuckin brain .. in my fuckin heart .. in my fuckin stomach .. in my feet .. in sorrounding my fuckin body ..
i can't feel the taste of eat .. i can't fuckin breath .. i feel so fuckin dying .. i wanna cough up everythin that entering my fuckin mouth .. i feel so fuckin disgusted in my stomach .. so fuckin colic .. to loathe .. what happen with me !?! shall i die ?!? i'm already feel the fuckin agony of death .. this morning i spit of fuckin blood again .. i'm already stop to drink the fuckin alcohol .. try to decrease smokin .. what else !?! is this coz a lot of trouble that begin entering my life again !?! why should i blame them ?!?!
in fact i'm already begin could wake up from that conditions coz pushed by the strong paison for get closer and obedient to God .. and also i can get up from a bleak conditions that broke down my spirit with hang on the power of the Holy Spirit .. but why i could down again coz the trouble that make myself can't understand also ?!?
what the hell happen with myself indeed !?! its makes me feel so fuckin disgusted toward myself alone ..
ough~! God .. help me .. safe me .. i'll pray tonight .. give me the answer .. what your plan inside out of the fuckin things that fell on my fuckin life indeed !?! i need the answer ..................

-scream of my brain faced death at 4:35 PM

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

just fell so fuckin sick here inside my fuckin head and my fuckin heart..im just dunno why it could be like this..somebody make me so fuckin angry .. confused and wonder who the hell she is !!!

i need to know...but who will told me ??? just nobody i think...huh...

im sick now.....

who the hell is she ????????????????????????

why she find for my boyfriend?????????????????????

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

-scream of my brain faced death at 11:49 AM

Monday, August 09, 2004

today..i've got a bad day..indeed i really miss my brand new breath so fuckin much..but when i see him -my ex life breath-..i'm just see his nickname in chatting..but also i see his picture in my album photos..i feel so fuckin hurt again in my brain..it's really push my breath..i really can't breath..so fuckin hurt here inside my fuckin head..lately i never been cryin..but today..i must lost my fuckin tears again..when he said her name..i'm sick..i'm hurt..then i'm cry again..what for indeed? i dunno..i'm just cant mock my fuckin self..dumb..i'm stupid..and i really unworthy..
i don't wanna hurt anyone..but i know when i wrote this..somebody will be hurt..
but i'm just wanna he -my brand new breath- understand me..trust me..
i'm lovin you now..more than everythin..i don't wanna losing you like i'm losing everyone before..i wanna keep you here inside my life..for forever..i wanna you to be the last one..i wanna forget the past..so just help me to forget that fuckin past..coz i really know..i can't do that..-not yet-..
i would you to understand me now..
this not means you can't change his position..
you're not the in stead of him..coz you're different with him...
now trust on me..you're the only one..
so just give the time to be healed from that fuckin pain...
i'm sorry for wrote all of this...
i really love jah now..so fuckin much...
like you always said to me...
" i really fuckin love you "
*(for my Eldorado)*

-scream of my brain faced death at 7:27 PM

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

The only reason why you're here 2day,standing in diz age is just 2 complete d plans of God,do a nice game!! i prayed 4 u so God will take care of u ...always!!! happy b'day, happy b'day!!!!
*(this words Eldo dedicated to me on my b-day...thankz babe...)*

-scream of my brain faced death at 12:10 AM